i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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