I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
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They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
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I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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