Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
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I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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