Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
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All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize