My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
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Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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