I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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