First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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