my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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