wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
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You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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