somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
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my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
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new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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