apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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