theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize