I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
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Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
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So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
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