I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize