a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize