if only i could text you this smell
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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