My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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