just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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