My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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