i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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