You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
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