drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize