I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
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I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
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I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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