im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
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What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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