Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize