I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
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her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
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Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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