True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize