Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
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Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
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She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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