Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize