Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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