my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
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Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
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Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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