Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
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Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
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He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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