at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
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RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
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I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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