thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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