Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
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Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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