goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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