I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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