This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
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I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
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Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I know her cup size but not her name....
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