I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
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I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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