It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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