i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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