dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
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He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
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If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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