It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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