My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
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Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
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And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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