Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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