Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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