Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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