Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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