Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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