its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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